Don’t let the people you work for crush your soul. It’s the
only one you have. I’ve had some pretty terrible bosses throughout my working
life, and I’ve found that some of the most successful people who have managed
to claw their way up to positions of power have ended up being some of the most
fearful and miserable people you could ever hope to never meet.
For example, the most miserable person that I’ve ever
come across was a boss. She took it upon herself to break down everyone who
entered her presence. She was ridiculously wealthy and would threaten children
with lawsuits. Yes, children. “You know if you do this, I’m going to get my
lawyer and sue you.” Yep, she said it to a seven year old. There’s no doubt in
my mind that she’d do it too. The worst of it, was the fact that the money she
would use fuel her tyranny wasn’t even hers. It was her husband’s. I’d love to
say that it was unintentional and she did it out of some sort of uncontrollable
compulsion, but that’s not the case. She was strategic and calculating about
it. We worked in a bullpen and I had the opportunity to observe her process.
She’d size someone up and then shoot them down, demolishing them in the most
heavy-hitting way possible was goal and she did it every day. She spoke like a chain-smoking trucker. On
the phone, you would not be able to determine the gender of whom you were
speaking and it was intentional. She wore sweats to work. Her weight fluctuated
regularly so clothes that had some give to them were optimal. Seeing her take
down outsiders was like watching Animal Planet. You’d root for the gazelle, but
you knew the croc was gonna get her and there was nothing you could do about
it, including change the channel. Then she started eyeballing me. Shit. I knew
she was about to unfurl her vitriol my direction an there was nothing to do
about it. It was like being put in front of Jabba the hut and just waiting for
him to open up the floor and drop you to your doom. “You know, John. I was
married before the eyes of god and you’ll never have gay marriage. Most of the country
feels the way I do and I will always vote it down.” Then she waited. My
response was inspired, and it took a fraction of a moment to reply. It was like
I was channeling or something. “You know what? I believe most people your age
may feel that way, most people my age are fine with it. Those that are younger
are even more progressive, and one day you’re going to die…and all I have to do
is wait.”
Tada! There was nothing she could do. I guess the gazelle
got away this time.
I had another boss who’d rule-bomb her victims. Making notes
on all your mistakes and then choosing her moment to call you in her office,
unfurl her list, and nuke you. She is hands-down the most fearful person I’ve
ever met. It wasn’t just me that she’d do it to. She’d go after people who she
thought she could break. My reaction to it was simple. Do not react. Where I
failed earlier with my previous boss was that I reacted. I won the battle but
the sweat suit clad trucker would pick future fights because she knew that I’d
fight back. Where I succeeded with this one was that I proved unbreakable. I
didn’t fire back. I knew this fear monger was the type to find a way to
intimidate people into quitting or retaliating, and once you retaliated, the 1st
rule bombing would look like a tea party compared to what was to come. Being
unflappable sent the message that you were not someone who cared what she
thought. Stand tall, an asshole’s opinion is little more than a fart.
So what’s the common thread here? Misery and Fear are basic
emotions that alienate those who are afflicted with them. They’re lonely. What
they want more than anything is to instill misery and fear in those around
them. If successful, they aren’t alone anymore and the burden of misery and
fear has been removed from their shoulders and effectively placed, at least for
the time being, onto yours.
Don’t give in. Don’t give up, and don’t hand over the keys
to your happiness. They’re gonna wreck the car.
Lastly, I have faith that these people enter your life to teach you the depths of your strength. Once you learn that, they leave.
