Friday, February 27, 2015
Some douche bags celebrating gay marriage ban in Texas
Monday, May 12, 2014
You’re Doing it Wrong! EPISODE 3: Your Phone is a Private Form of Communication. Don’t Make it my Business.
I’m that guy.
Yes, I am the guy who
stands up and calls you out about it.
I encourage everyone to do it.
I’m not just bringing this up to out myself as some kind of
fist-shaking curmudgeon. I do it when it’s appropriate.
Just this last Saturday, I attended a University
Commencement. It's a huge day for everyone involved. That said, there was a
young woman on her phone, ruining the event for everyone in her general
proximity. It was a vapid conversation. Clearly she didn’t want to be there. I
understand not wanting to be there, sure, that’s perfectly ok. What’s not ok is
to bag on the event when everyone around you is trying to support the people
that have achieved their goal of getting their degree and closing an entire chapter of their life. It's a right of passage into adulthood, one of the few we have left in this culture.
So yeah, I stepped in.
“Excuse me, you need to get off your phone.”
She looked at me and gave me an epic eye-roll and kept
talking.I'm kind of surprised she didn't flip me off.
And then I got loud.
“If you’re not going to get off your phone, you need to take
your conversation outside. You’re being incredibly inconsiderate, what the hell
is wrong with you?”
And without missing beat in her conversation, She got up and left the seating area. One of the attendees
mouthed the words “thank you”.
The rule here is simple, if your behavior is encroaching on the experience of those around you, then you need to change your behavior.
No one is enriched by the experience of being within earshot of you telling the
poor bastard on the other end of the line how bored you are. You may feel like
you’re showing everyone that you have a life, but in actuality you’re just
showing all of us that this life of yours is not well lived.
Here’s a quick tip about your phone, when you’re on it,
you’re sending a message to those around you, that they are not as interesting
as the person whom your phoning or texting.
If it’s true then you should at least have the courtesy of restricting
that opinion to your internal monologue. Unless you openly hate all of us, and in
that case feel free to let your asshole flag fly!
Be considerate, and stand up to those that are being
discourteous. Someone has to, because these poor fools won't know until you tell them.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
You’re Doing It Wrong: Episode 2: Just Because It’s Your Policy Doesn’t Make it Right
It should go without saying that just because
something is “a policy”, doesn’t mean that it’s the right thing do. History is
rife with examples of this being the case. Look at any civil rights
movement. Separate parts of the
restaurant, different water fountains, the whole bus seat thing, all operating
under the “It’s our policy” umbrella. “It’s our policy” should never be used as
a stand-alone argument. It’s feeble. Usually the people who use this as a their
argument don’t agree with it. That’s why they just say, “It’s our policy.” It’s
the business equivalent of “Because I said so.” which I also have a problem
with.
I was at a bank, Chase Bank to be specific. My
credit union was across town and there’s a Chase Bank branch in the grocery
store that I was shopping in, so I thought “Hell, it’s a Chase Bank check, I’ll
just cash it here.” I approach the clerk, a smarmy slicked-back hair type, in a
suit that was too small for him.
“Well sir, do you have an account with us?”
“No.” I said.
“Well, we’re going to have to charge you 10 dollars
to cash this check, sir.”
“Excuse me?”
“Yeah, that’s our policy. We have to charge
you if you don’t have an account with us.”
“You do?”
“Yes sir. That’s our policy.”
To
which I replied, “Give me my fucking check.” His eyes got big with disbelief
and handed it over. I must have some damn nerve.
I
walked out of their glorified kiosk, I mean it’s a half step above a sunglass
hut, let’s call it what it is. I decided to get my groceries and just go to my
credit union. Screw these bastards. I was reaching for the nutty bars and when
I realized that I was not going to be able to just let this go. So I went back.
Smarmy bank clerk was there and I asked to speak to the manager. I was
polite, well polite for me anyway, and the manager had been halfway expecting
me to come back. I dropped an f-bomb, of course he heard about it.
“So
Richard here, tells me that you have a bit of an issue with our policy.”
He
stayed seated. Even when he shook my hand, he never got up.
“That’s
correct. I’m having a bit of a hard time understanding where you get to skim 10
dollars off this check which was issued from this bank.”
His
nametag said Tom. “Well that’s the cost of labor for the transaction.”
“So
you’re telling me that I hand Richard here, this check. Then Richard here, takes
the check, puts the check in the drawer, counts the amount written on the check
and then hands it to me, costs ten dollars. Is that correct?”
“You
know that’s not what I’m saying.” He leaned back.
“That’s
exactly what you’re saying.”
“Mr.
Padgett, you’re not a member of this bank, and this is our policy.”
“Tom,
this is a scumbag policy. This customer, a member of your bank, has direct deposit
into his account, which means you have access to his funds before he does. You
make money off this situation from the word go. That said, when he inevitably
does decide to spend some of his money, you penalize anyone he does business
with, by charging them through this scumbag policy.”
“I’m
sorry you feel that way, Mr. Padgett.”
“There’s
no need for you to say “I’m sorry you feel that way.” because it isn’t an
apology. It’s a way for you to seem like you’re sorry. Being sorry about
someone’s feelings is ridiculous.”
“Mr.
Padgett, other banks can charge you up to 12 or 13 dollars. This is actually
quite reasonable.”
“So
you’re using the everybody else does it so it’s okay excuse? That is not
a valid argument. It’s just convenient.” I wasn’t getting heated and yes, this
is where I get off. It’s true…kind of my thing. “Tom, How about we look at this
as an opportunity. You have the opportunity to do the right thing here and not
penalize your customer through this transaction fee.”
I
could tell Tom was a family man, wedding ring, pictures of his kids on his
desk, the whole thing. It was apparent the he was accustomed to saying no to
his children and not having to explain himself.
“Again,
this is Chase Bank’s policy.”
“Alright,
I see your decision. This is a scumbag policy, and you know is a scumbag
policy. Through this interaction, you have shown that you will discriminate
against a prospective customer or possibly a future member of your bank through
unnecessary fees. This will absolutely deter me from doing business with you in
the future. I’m sure you acknowledge these facts. You know this is a scumbag policy,
and by defending it, it in-turn makes you a…” At this point, I reached out my
hand, palm up as if to say “This is your cue, honey.”…
Tom
instinctively, as if it were a knee jerk reaction, said…“Scumbag.”
Yes.
I got a grown man to call himself a scumbag and with that, I drove to my credit
union.
Wednesday, March 05, 2014
You’re Doing it Wrong: Episode 1: Devil’s Advocate is not License to be an Asshole
We’ve all been there. You’re in a group or possibly just in
a conversation with one other person, and then it happens, someone chimes in and
says “I’m just going to play devil’s advocate.”. This is then followed with the person
hurling shitty contrarian opinions in whatever direction the discussion happens to be going. This practice of proverbially hurling shit like a lower
primate trying to reproduce a Jackson Pollock, is veiled as constructive
criticism. Oftentimes the individual who
offers to play devil’s advocate is the same person over and over again. They
love it. It makes them giddy when they get the chance to do it. You can see
their eyes light up. You know this person. They lack empathy. These are the
people who are consumed with being right as opposed to doing right. This person
could be prone to one-upmanship; no matter what you’ve done they’ve done it
better. These people are control freaks. Perhaps they are insecure about their
intelligentness, so they fall back on being contrarian. The bitch of it is that
they believe this practice, and the way they’re doing it, is actually helpful.
Watch this person. He’s not playing devil’s advocate, he’s
announcing that he’s an asshole.
Playing devil’s advocate is intended to give people an
alternate perspective, thereby exposing a possible flaw in the presiding
argument. This could then steer the discussion back on track and avoid poor
decision-making. See? Like that.
Here’s how you’re doing it wrong: Your contrarian opinion has no point other
than being contrarian. If you’re playing devil’s advocate for the sake of
looking smarter than everyone in the group by figuratively shitting in the
sandbox that we’re all playing in, then I’d like to invite you to take your
Tonka truck and go home. If you’re unsure if you’re doing it wrong, then examine
how your playing devil’s advocate. If it’s a situation of just shooting down an
idea and there’s no pearl of wisdom to be gleaned from the statement; it
doesn’t lead anywhere other than down, and it offers no solutions, then you’re
the asshole.
You don’t have to be.
Here’s a good rule of thumb; if you’re going to shoot
something down, then offer a better alternative. If you really want look like
a prodigy, then solve the problem. Don’t compound it with arrogance.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
The meaning behind being Withholding
To withhold something is to prevent progress. Say someone
asks you for something, a marble perhaps. You’ve had this marble for a long
time. You don’t play marbles. It means nothing to you, but you plan to use this
marble to negotiate a favor, or deal, in an attempt to manipulate something out
of a relationship. Then it could be that you are a scumbag. It’s sad the way
this sort of shrewd deal making is not only encouraged, but applauded. It’s these sorts of tactics that keep your
soul from evolving into who you were meant to be. Ok, say you’re on the
opposite side of the fence and you’re the one asking for the marble. When the
person who’s withholding the marble then comes back to you with an offer of
“I’ll give it to you if you…” it could be that it’s just a give and take
interaction, which is normal. An equal exchange is healthy and it occurs when
both parties leave feeling like they’ve gotten good value from this encounter.
It’s when the marble holder then decides to capitalize on the interaction and
your fondness for marbles, that they decide to up the ante, and ask for more
than they’re fair share out of the deal.
Let’s say you’re exiting a relationship, be it romantic,
friendship, or business. The day of reckoning has come and it’s now time to
settle up, divide the stuff, and move on.
Withholding stems from longing. Perhaps you’re exiting the relationship,
and the ex doesn’t give you back your favorite t-shirt. It’s a t-shirt. It’s
net worth is zero dollars. It means nothing to the ex, but the ex knows it’s
important to you, so they’re going to make sure you don’t have it. There’s no
way of getting it back without changing your mind about the situation and caving.
By doing this, the custodian of the coveted t-shirt has passed the longing on.
They are no longer yearning alone. Even though you’re no longer present, you
both long for something…together. Sucks, don’t it?
This behavior is learned, usually from the parents, and by
the time it gets to you, the marble hoarder/t-shirt keeper gets to you, the behavior is hard-wired.
If you have something that you are withholding that means
nothing to you and the only reason you’re holding on to this item it to stifle
someone else’s enjoyment or progress, then go ahead and place yourself in the
asshole category. Stop striving for winning. Strive for balance.
Chances are, you’ve at some point done this. It’s a basic relationship
control mechanism. Let go of the reigns. You cannot control anyone. The only
thing you can control is how you deal with it.
If you are being withheld from, prepare yourself to get up
from the table, leave the marble behind, and go buy yourself a new t-shirt.
It’s just a thing. You were born without it and it’ll be in a trash heap
when you die.
Monday, August 19, 2013
NOPE! It’s not okay: The power of justification.
I work in a field filled with people trying to get things
done and achieve their goals…or in some cases, trying to beat the system and
blend in with the people that are achieving, in the hopes that they can be mistaken
for an achiever.
I blame television. Every single medical drama on TV is
fraught with doctors telling patients “It’s okay.” and “Everything’s going to
be alright.”. Two scenes later, the kid who was merely on a road trip with his
friends to bring relief to a part of the country that was just wracked with
tornadoes or a biblical flood, and was then hit by a trucker that’s been up for three
days in an effort to make a delivery on time before the produce he’s carrying
spoils, dies on the operating table…Hey, guess what? Everything's not going to be alright...and all for the love of salad.
Here’s the message, saying “It’s okay.” When it’s clearly
not ok, is uttered to convince oneself. I met someone today who knows that what
he’s doing is stealing. Stealing opportunities and stealing money by basically
cheating the system. Imagine a mugger who’s stealing your purse and telling you
the whole time “It’s okay. I deserve it. It’s okay. I need it more than
you.”
Is it okay?
Is it?
I understand that any system is flawed in some way. We’re
human beings, flaw is in our nature. It’s when you know that what you’re doing
is wrong and you justify it. Part of being a grown up is owning your
mistakes. If you own it, then it has no more power over you. It’s a very
uncomfortable lesson, and “It’s okay.” is much easier to talk your way through.
“It’s okay. They owe it to me, look at what I’ve been
through.”
“It’s okay, look how much of my time, effort, and work they
get out of me.”
“It’s okay, look at what he/she put me through.”
“It’s okay, look at how she’s dressed.”
See? That’s where we are. When you say “It’s okay.”, that’s
when you have to take a step back, because you know it isn’t.” It’s not okay to
take advantage.
You know better.
You know you know better, and you’re trying to make it
alright with yourself.
You say “It’s okay.” for no one’s benefit but your own. Let
me just tell you, no matter how you justify it, no matter how much you play it
off like it doesn’t bother you, no matter much you say “It doesn’t matter.”, it
does. And you know it does. Eventually you will have to answer for it. There’s
no way of getting around it. Once you’ve done it…and I’m in this boat too. Your
conscience will hold you accountable.
Don't lie to your conscience like a medical drama. The produce isn't worth it.
It’s not okay.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
The Job Search: Part One. What do you want?
Where to look?
Research companies that do what you want to do. If you’re in
sales, try getting into a company that sells a product you believe in. Here’s
an exercise: Make a list of things that you like to do, then research companies
that make those things. What are your hobbies? How do you spend your time when
you’re not getting paid? You need to be deliberate.
For instance, if you’re a gamer and you want to get into the
field, make a list of gaming companies that make your favorite games. Then
find out what it is that they’re looking for. Get into the company, it might
not be your ideal job, but you’re one step closer. It’ll be a lot easier for you to navigate
your way into the position that’s right for you if you’re already in the door.
How to get hired. – General guidelines.
(I’ll elaborate more on the hiring process next week.)
With the job market being as competitive as it is, many job
seekers are scatter-shooting the employment pool and flooding everywhere and
anywhere with their generic resume. If that’s you, stop. It’s not a good way to
get the job you want and you could be robbing someone who really wants your
random job from an opportunity to do what they love. Sure, you may haphazardly
land some gig that’ll keep your lights on, and the repo man from absconding
with your ride, but in the long term, you’re going to be stuck there…for at
least a year. There are jail-terms with shorter sentences than that. If you’re
not comfortable with giving at least a year commitment, then look elsewhere.
Ideally, employers want at least two years, which is enough to prove competency
in a position, and won’t look like you left your job due to a personal conflict
or being unable to perform your duties.
Say you find a new job. If it’s possible, don’t leave your
old one until you have found a new one. It’s way more difficult to land a new
job when you don’t have one. That said, when you do have a new job, don’t leave
your old one in a blaze of glory. Everyone has the fantasy of Molotov-cocktailing
the bridge you’ve crossed once you’re on the other side, I would strongly
encourage you NOT to do so. The world is a lot smaller than you think, and
employers always check in with your previous boss. Sure there’s a list of
questions bosses are allowed to ask previous employers, but there’s some really
crafty ways of sidestepping that process. One of which is “Would you hire this
person back?” and if you told your old boss to kiss your ass as you dropped the
keys down the garbage disposal, don’t be shocked if your new job suddenly
decides to “go a different direction”.
The power of Social media.
If you blast your job on your Facebook page, someone will
find out about it. You put it on the Internet
for crying out loud. What did you think was going to happen? Social media has
become a rant fest of people speaking their minds about their crummy jobs,
neighbors, bosses and exes. It’s never a
bad move to not blast someone on the Internet. The
media loves to report bad news and people getting what’s coming to them. If you bag on the guy who signs your
paychecks don’t be surprised when he stops signing them.
Getting there.
Say you’re not in an optimal position to land your dream
job. It’s okay. Everybody has to start somewhere. It’s time to start looking
into the steps you’re going to need to take to get there. Start with identifying
what’s keeping you from where you want to be, and then knocking those obstacles
out of your way, one by one. If you have no idea where to start, contact
someone who does what you want to do and find out the how-tos.
Every journey begins with a single step. Stop wandering. Make
steps in the right direction and ask yourself the question, what do you want
for your life?
The days of just doing whatever are long gone. Don’t get to
the end of your life and say, “I shoulda…” You are never going to be as young
as you are right now, and you will get to a point where it’s too late, so get
busy.
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